Why do I like to dominate?

It is something I wonder about often, usually with a misty-eyed sentimentality. At any given moment you might find me dreamily pondering the various beauties of the sub/Domme relationship and the truths about humanity, and maybe even about the nature of reality, that it reveals. Tonight, after drinking a saccharine glass of coconut flavored rum, I make a more cynical investigation.

1.) Dommes get away with being older and less stereotypically attractive than your average lady, and still are worshipped for their sexual power. We are just outnumbered by male submissives so greatly and hold such a unique power to satisfy them that we seem to be able to get away with anything. Not that I'm either older or stereotypically not-attractive, but it probably does help me feel more comfortable about getting older. Perhaps this rivals the kind of assurance men feel in getting older that they could probably still get younger women if they wanted to.

2.) Maybe I like subjecting men to these extreme experiences of physical and emotional sensation because its the only way I can get enough passion out of them that we can finally relate.

3.) Maybe its revenge on the popular boys in school who used to call me names and throw things at me.

4.) Maybe its revenge on the popular girls at school who are now married to the types of men who used to be the popular boys. The types of men who grew up to be people in charge of things, but sexually desire to be powerless, secretly lusting after women like me, their desires threatening to ruin their idyllic and much-sacrificed-for family lives.

5.) Maybe its a diversion the bourgeoisie in me entertains because my life not only lacks true engagement in meaningful political struggle for power, but also lacks any real understanding of suffering or concepts of slavery, powerlessness, and even torture that I play with as if it were a child's toy.

6.) Maybe I got desensitised to regular sex by over-exposure to smutty stories and novels in my teens, and it ruined my potential to be a normal, healthy, married woman.

7.) Maybe its a form of escapeism or a distraction from more serious work I should be doing.

8.) Maybe its totally unoriginal like everything else.

9.) Maybe its because my psychology is totally warped by the power hierarchies we all live with, so that I can only enjoy pleasure in the context of inequality.

10.) Maybe its because my sense of self-worth as a female is wrapped up with my feeling that I am desirable to others, and when I am a Domme I experience an amplified level of desirability to the extent that I am actually worshipped like a queen. It is quite something to watch men endure incredible pain applied to their tender-parts to demonstrate their dedication.

11.) Maybe it's because my sense of self-worth as a female is wrapped up in my ability to care for and nurture others, and in BDSM I experience an amplified level of responsibility and care-taking. In this role I am responsible for the basic safety and wellness of the submissive, precisely like that of a child in danger. Not only that, but I am intensely tuned in to satisfying very subtle and obscure sexual needs. Definitely a heightened sense of selflessness. Especially considering I don't like to have the submissive pleasure me sexually. I get off attending to his sexual needs for hours and wind up totally stimulated without ever being touched.

12.) Maybe I feel most comfortable being sexual with men when they are totally passive and don't initiate anything that I don't really want to do.

13.) Maybe relating to men in a fetish context is the best way I can find to get a man to be creative and sensual with me. Maybe it's the best way I know to have the stimulation be primarily psychological rather than physical for both of us instead of only one of us.

14.) Maybe its the only context I know of in which I can expect that the man will show emotional vulnerability and deep appreciation of me.

15.) Why wouldn't everyone want to have a slave if it could be done without the usual problems with guilt over the non-consensual nature of it?

16.) Maybe this lifestyle strengthens me against the intense emotional vulnerability I experience in my own primary relationship.

Those are the first 16 reasons I thought of, I'm sure there are many more. But alas, I am exhausted and must now go to bed beside my sleeping man, as usual masturbating before sleep to thoughts of my favorite aroused and humiliated secretary. If you have any cynical thoughts about the nature of your own sexuality feel free to share them with us. Just do me a favor and don't speculate about additional reasons for mine, thank-you-very-much. I would like to recommend a glass of coconut flavored rum to wash it all down.
- posted by Zoe @ 1:59 AM

 
Who reads this?

Well, I've had this weblog going for a few months now. I'm wondering how many regular readers it has... as opposed to random hits from google searches for "chastity induced lactation" or "BDSM slavery training" and all the other keywords that get people to this site. This is my shameless invitation for attention. Say hi to me, leave a note below.
- posted by Zoe @ 10:25 AM